It's not to make you miserable or to make your life seem as it's unbearable
It's not to put you to shame or to even make you feel you want to
die
It's to build character, resilience, and courage
It's to build your faith come what may
It's to help you stand flat foot in the face of fear and declare "I SHALL LIVE AND NOT DIE"

It's to allow you to be a living witness that others can make it through
It's to honor and glorify the God who got you through it all

It's to help you come to know and serve the God who's greater than anything
It's to make your praise and worship as natural as each breath you take
It's to get you to your place of destiny and purpose, realizing that it was ALL worth it.

S. R. Howard on the purpose of pain and healing

I AM a person with BIG DREAMS! And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. #notetoself #destin4grtness

DENIAL of a situation doesn't make it go away. Sooner or later you'll have to deal with it or it will deal with you. #stoplyingtoyourself

LISTEN CAREFULLY~You can change your mind, clothes, hair, address, even the milege on your car (although illegal) but YOU CANNOT CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE! You just may have a better chance at winning the lottery.

#yougonelearn #improvingthehumanexperience

Love is relative to one's experience. You should open your mind more, and that doesn't mean go against the word or what you believe. I study people as a hobby LOL...and one thing I've learned it that each has his/her own experience. It's not safe to assume anything and it's definitely not safe to put people in a box especially when you don't know them. Who knows if you took the time to get to know a lady, without letting your past experiences be at the forefront, you may find that at the core you both are more alike than different.

LOVE is patient and so is PURPOSE. So those of us who are PURPOSE minded don't mind patiently waiting for "LOVE with a PURPOSE." #butnottoolong

It's amazing but I'm realizing keeping my mouth shut on a lot of things my just be about of my destiny also. Revelation is a good thing!

It's amazing when on its own the human spirit is hard headed. One of the biggest lessons I've learned while developing a relationship with God is He's not an enabler. It's true God can do any and all things but there are many things we can physically do for ourselves. We can commission His Spirit to aid us in a task but it's against the word of God to idly sit by and do nothing. Having pity parties and wanting people to feel sorry for us all the time. There's a thin line between being an enabler and a helper.

Partcipating in strife, confusion, and disorder will only render you the same. There is no way possible for you to live this way and have a prosperous and peaceful life. As long as you do what you've always done, you'll continue to get what you've always gotten. It's all up to you.

S. R. Howard on change begins with you

If I had something special in store for you but you never talked to or communicated with me in anyway, how would you know? Well that's exactly how it is with God. Many of us spend the majority of our lives hopelessly wondering the who, what, when , how, and why of it all, when all we have to do is begin to develop a relationship with the all mighty all knowing God. Sure you could hear it from others but something this intimate and special should come straight from the source. Don't spend another minute wondering why you are hear and what you should be doing. It's been said, if you want to know the purpose of a thing, you should ask the creator of that thing. And it may not be given to you all at once but step by step the Holy Spirit will guide you into your truth. The sooner you started the sooner you'll get to the other side.

S. R: Howard you are here for a reason

I will love, support, encourage, and even protect and defend to the best of my ability but I will not enable.

Being the type of person who loves to travel, explore, and be married, it's been hard to sit by and watch people I know do things I long to do. I thank God that I've gotten to the place were I no longer wish for someone else's life. I'm confident so in God's plan and purpose for me that I know that He is working it all out. He knows my dreams and the desires of my heart. I delight myself in Him, so I know I will receive them. Getting to this place wasn't easy but I now realize it was well worth it. There are better days ahead.

S R Howard on what God has for me is still for me

The word of God tells us to not be unequally yoked, so why do some many of us singles struggle with this. I think it's because of the confusion and discontentment that usually sets in when you're my age and it hasn't happened yet. "Lord will I ever be married?" is a question I often ask myself. Yes I desire to be married and I feel that it's a part of my purpose.  During a discussion with fellow single Christians concerning this one stated that a young lady had asked if was wrong to marry a Muslim, he's a good person and treats her really well. I can understand why a Christian would have this question. When we so many divorces in the Christian community and not to mention the adultery and abuse at the hand of pastors against their wives. Many have married just because a they were both Christians while overlooking the nasty attitude, being poor with finances, unable to get along with anyone, but he/she attends church every Sunday and many days in between Although I believe  God ordained marriage, He does allow us to chose who we want to love and enter into covenant with. And no two people of different faiths will be able to live peaceably in the same house . So before making your choice, pray, fast, ask God to help you to see who this person really is, do they fit the journey that is before you.

We must always be open to learn. Even when we think we've "arrived" we still haven't. I've been told that I'm too hard on men and people in general but that's not so. I think I didn't really know the level of my compassion for others. I'm learning to display the truth of who I am, give advice when asked or led by the Spirit, and always pray. But when it comes to my mate, we have to be on the same page, not perfect, but living on purpose and willing and continuing to learn and grow.

Thinking about a post from a Facebook friends concerning "church hurt." There are many opinions concerning this matter but I've experienced it first hand. During a time when I now know as depression, not knowing what to do, I stopped going to church for a while. I then joined another church and the "hurt" came again. Finally "God, I need you to help me with this." I was hurting in so many other areas and being hurt by people in the church was that last thing I needed, especially when I came there for healing. What I've learned people and church buildings have their places but the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit are the ultimate healers. I had put so much trust and faith in people before I learned how to call on God. 

My relationship with God became stronger. Some may not agree, but its what I needed to get where I needed to be. I was so tried of the brokenness in my life. I read my bible, prayed and just talked openly with God, I was able to hear Him without all the other stuff in my head. He began to send people into my life to help me. Those who had the same or similar hurts and brokenness. When people talk to me now and I mention that I hadn't been to church in a while, they don't know what to make of it. Sure, the church family I have now is wonderful, I love them very much, but we need to know God isn't confined to a building.

Realizing that I don't have "the gift of singleness" I began to get serious about getting myself together. Not only does that include spiritually, but physically, emotionally, and financially. It is my desire to be married and I believe that marriage is apart of my destiny. A mate who fits my purpose and me, his. I also had to revise the dreaded "list." While review some of my requirements, the Lord said to be, if you don't be more reasonable you're going to end up alone. Although I believe marriage is ordained by God, He allows us to decide who we want to love.

Irresponsibility and excuses will get you NO WHERE! Start where you are, use what you have, make a move (even if you're not sure of the outcome) and things will start to change. Sit back, make excuses, do nothing, and you will remain in the same state or worse. Don't be envious when others around you are prospering and moving forward. Your life is the sum of the CHOICES YOU MAKE!

S R Howard on getting what you pay for

Realizing that my thoughts towards others haven't been so pure lately, I have some repenting to do. Yes death and life (Proverbs 18:21) are in the power of the tongue but it's also in our thoughts. We are commanded to bring every thought under submission. Meaning I can't go around thinking what I want to about others just because I don't agree with them and how they live their lives. The TRUTH about being judgemental, it's not always an outward expression. Just because you didn't say it, doesn't make it right! 

SR Howard on taming my thoughts

When it comes to S.E.X. following God is the only solution. If he or she is not your spouse then you shouldn't be having S.E.X. with him or her, point blank period. I say this from years of experiencing hurt, turmoil, and the emotional scars of molestation which lead to many years of me being very promiscuous. Not to mention I was never taught properly in the area of sex education as a child. I was told to not have sex with a boy unless he was my boyfriend. So in my mind, if I considered him to be my boyfriend, then sex was okay.   

People need to realize, especially in today's society, fornication doesn't come without emotional scars rather they show up now or later.  Sex was never meant to be casual, if it doesn't kill your body it will definitely kill your spirit.

I remember sitting in the congregation of a church and listening to a first lady speak on what God has done and how she lives how she lives. Because of my lack of understanding and know how to apply what was being taught, I became envious and jealous. I wanted the life God had for me but really didn't know to obtain it. Sure people would tell me to pray, attend church, read your bible, but I'd venture say "there has to be more to it." Later on I began to seek God for myself. I became to unfulfilled and desperate for change until I was willing to do whatever it took. Not that I recommend this, but I stop going to church for a while and begin to ask God to show me what to do. I wanted the true essence of myself not anyone else's life.

He became to purge and cleanse me of things that were hindering my progression in His purpose for my life. And here I was thinking it had all to do with what I was learning and what was taking place on the outside. Not that I ever thought I was perfect but I didn't realize the amount of baggage that was weighing me down. It took a lot of work, pain, and tears to get me to where I am today. No, I'm in no way perfect but I am well on to who God has purpose me to be.

Having the gift of greatness often a lonely place. Not that I purposely isolate myself but many times I don't fit in and get weary of being judged and viewed as "different." I wouldn't trade what God has purposed me to do for anything in the world. I realize that each place I've been in the last few years has been for a reason. It's never easy even though I'm among family and those who are suppose to love me most and love me best.
Thinking back to my childhood, I've always been different. There's nothing that I can or want to do about it. I know that everything I've gone through good and bad is for His purpose. Regardless of my periods of feeling lonely and out of place, I will continue to press toward the mark. Even if I wanted to go back, I couldn't...there's nothing to go back to and I no longer fit that life anyway.

When will we truly learn and believe that everything we do or say renders a return, whether good or bad. No one is responsible for our actions except us. It's funny how we're often so haughty and cocky, when we do what we do and say what we say, but the same "bravery" that was displayed when we did what we did or said what we said, should be the same "bravery" displayed when the consequences arrive. This ain’t something I heard, it’s what I’ve lived and learned! KNOW THIS~NOTHING IN YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER UNTIL YOU CHANGE FOR THE BETTER...IT'S THE LAW! Happy Monday FB FAM, PEACE!   #improvingthehumanexperience

Lying, scheming, cheating will get you nowhere. It never has and it never will.

One thing I've been pondering lately is how can people settle. I think I know part of the answer, they don't know there's something different available. I have to smother the mindset that everyone has big goals, dreams, and visions as I do. I know we all have our own individual journeys but oh how I wished I could just convince more people to make an attempt at something different. I started to say better, but maybe what I think or feel is better isn’t necessarily better for them.

I'm that girl who loves God, life, and people. I'm purposed to educate, uplift, inspire, change the world!

After going with what I've gone through and not being able to do a lot of the things I've longed to do, it really puzzles my how some people can have resources and opportunity to do a number of things and never do them. I've grown so tired of hearing people make excuses. One thing this experience has taught me is that many times you have to create an opportunity. August 2009 I could barely see my hand in front of my face, but after almost of being stationery, I had to do something. So one day I decided I wanted to do something I hadn't done in months, go to the library. None of my usual drivers were available so what's a girl to do. I got up. crossed the street, and walked to the bus stop. Because I had no depth perception and couldn't tell how far away a vehicle was from me, I should have been afraid. I wasn't at all. I stood at the corner, said a prayer, counted to three, and across the street I went. To some it may sound like a small feat, but to me it was as if I'd climbed Mount Everest. Although I still had many ups and downs for then to now, I count this as the beginning of the making of me. The courageous woman of God I've grown to be.

Thinking back to my first bout with depression, I was suicidal among other things. I didn't understand the things I do know so I had no idea why and where all the pain and hurt was coming from. It wasn't just emotional, it was the worst physical feelings I'd had up until then. I can remember one day standing in the shower crying my eyes out uncontrollably. I tried desperately to explain to people what I was feeling but many didn't understand. Then one day, I decided I'd take a bottle of night time pain medication. I sat on the floor of my bedroom and struggled with the bottle for over 20 minutes until finally I feel asleep. This was about 10 am or so. but when I awoke is was well into the night, maybe even midnight, I don't remember.
I had lost my job and a man whom I thought I couldn't live without told me he was marrying another woman. I can remember going on a job interview the day after that conversation with him, just sitting there but not knowing a thing what was said.

Fast forward to 2009...

Pain is temporary but victory is forever!

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned over the last few years is that I do have control over my thoughts. It's true that a thought or idea may enter your mind, but it doesn't have to stay there. Although there was nothing much I could do about my eyesight and many of the circumstances surrounding me, I realized that I could determine my thought and how things affected me. I've been familiar with 2 Corinthians 10:5 for a long time but it took me all that time to learn how to apply that word.

I love how it reads in the Message...

^3-6 The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

Right now I'm grateful for self discovery. I no longer have to make excuses for who God says I am, why I believe what I believe, and why I do or don't do what I do.  Ironically, on my way here, I've lost a lot of people and things that I deemed vital to my existence. Not that people and things aren't needed for my journey but letting God help me make those choices has allowed me to make room for that which is necessary for the rest of my journey. I'm not bitter or mad at any of it, for I know that all things work together for my good. With humility and grace, I walk boldly in freedom, love, peace, and truth.

SR Howard on I didn't make this life I just live it

I thank You Father that I'm learning to live beyond my fears and feelings. I am in great expectations for Your plan for my life. I thank You that Your word declares if I delight myself in You, You'll give me my heart's desire. I desire to walk boldly in faith, in the truth of who You are, and who You created me to be. I will meet every challenge and opportunity with the strength I've obtained through You. There's nothing to hard for You, the fact that I'm still here is proof of that. My love for You will never fail. I thank You for Your faithfulness, grace, and mercy especially because I don't deserve it. In Jesus Name Amen!

#straightfromtheheart

Being a sophomore in college and not being exaclty sure what to major is vey frustrating to say the least. Not even knowing why you're there is bothersome as well. I know I changed my major at least four times before actually earning enough credits to become a junior. This led me to wonder, what is the true purpose of a couselor or advisor. I remember the counselor at my high school only showing interest in a few chosen students. Those who were deemed to be college material or scored high on their ACT and SAT. Those students either had parents or family members who attended college and knew what it took to prepare. I had neither. So I was clueless until the first semester of my senior year. I can remember one of my uncles telling my dad that I needed to take that ACT if I planned on attending college. Well, before then, I don't even remember being introduced to the ACT. All I ever got from the counselor was help with me schedule for the next semester and making sure I had enough credits to be promoted to the next grade.
During my time as a classroom teacher, I am glad to know that counselors have become much more involved and aren't just schedule makers. I think the high drop out rate had a lot to do with it. But at any rate, whatever it took, I'm glad it happened.
Sometimes I'd think back and become very upset at the amount of time and money I felt was wasted becasue I didn't know what I was doing and no one really took the time to direct my path. Out of this experience has grown a passion to help others find their nicche in life. Everyone has something that they are good at and are purposed to do, it just takes a little digging to get to it.

Of all the things I've gone through in the last few years, one of the most difficult has been having a deep feeling of being unfulfilled. Long before I understood what "purpose" meant, I knew I was created for one. So after many recent observations and reflections, I'm more determined than ever to "Live Big, Die Emply." It's never too late to discover why you're here!

SR Howard on you can't take it with you

You are exactly where God wants you to be at this time. As strange and unnecessary as they may seem, every experience is a part of His divine plan for your life. Learn to live in the mercy and grace of each breath He gives you TODAY; TOMORROW will take care of itself.

SR Howard on you're right on schedule

"Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world" (I John 4:4).  The Greater begins with the develop of a personal relationship with the He that is you. God has made available to us the power to do and be whatever He has purposed for us. But, it will not just fall on us like rain. We have to show up and do our part. REALIZE~God is not a magician!

SR Howard on participation is mandatory

On the road to James 1:4 (But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.) I've learned there will be many bumps, bruises, detours, etc but come what may we must stay the course. When I decided to live my destiny and asked that God's will for my life be fulfilled I had NO IDEA what I was in for. I've experienced things I never thought I would. But through it all I thank God that He knows all and the end was already determined from the beginning.
 

It's always my prayer that I'm able to hear His voice and be led by His Spirit. Sometimes we get caught up in "what if I make a mistake" or "get it wrong" It's alright, that's what His GRACE is for. I believe after we've honestly done what we feel we must do when it comes to guidance ,then we have to make a move. God NEVER asked us for perfection...FAITH & OBEDIENCE is the name of the game!

At some point we should be so familiar with our own personal journey that we recognize when its time to take another step towards our place of wholeness, being complete, lacking nothing. And who's to say the decision won't yield yet another road block or detour, still ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER! ENCOURAGEMENT 101~We've come this far by FAITH, GRACE, AND MERCY; to give up now would only be a waste of time for everyone involved. We must be completely convinced that NOTHING shall keep us from the will of God for our lives. It ain't over 'til God says "It's Over!

Originally written 4/28/12

Today marks the third year of my "eye situation." Its been a long road to say the least. During this time I've learned a lot about myself, others, but most of all I've learned a lot about God. I've had issues with my eyes for 20 plus years but NEVER did I ever imagine waking up one morning and not being able to see, talk about scary! I asked for wholeness, purpose, and destiny but had no idea of all the baggage that stood in the way. In the beginning I fought it but in surrendering to His process, God has delivered my from tremendous pain, guilt, regret, shame etc. It was time for the "real" Stephanie to surface and I believe this what it took. No, I'm not perfect but I have grown in love, patience, temperament, forgiveness. Yes the fruits of the spirit are manifesting PRAISE GOD!
What I Know for Sure~when you ask God for something, you don't get to choose the route He takes you, just be ready for the ride. You can't worry about opinions and judgements from people, let them do what they do. During the process things can, and probably will, get very embarrassing and heartbreaking but DON'T GIVE UP! The sooner you get started the sooner you'll get to the other side. When it seems like all hell has broken loose and no one understands, God is still working His plan. Yes, there will still be moments of doubt, fear, anger, or what have you but you can move past it with grace. Feel the feelings but don't stay there. Get back to the business at hand. There's a future and a purpose waiting to be fulfilled and ONLY YOU can do it!

I'm not completely there but I do have a better idea of who I am and why I'm here. I'm a woman of FAITH, DESTINY, PEACE and LOVE! Now I no longer ask "why did I go through this?" But "WHY DID I SURVIVE IT?"

SR Howard on healing is a process

Even if you don't believe it's a generational curse, how about believing it's not your destiny just because Mama, Daddy, Grandma, Uncle Jo, Aunt Sue and them suffered and died from it. CONSIDER THIS~maybe cancer, lupus, Alzheimer's, high blood pressure, or whatever has been in the family for generations simply because no one ever had the courage to fight back. A while ago I declared "in the name of Jesus lupus or any other family ailment will not be apart of my life," then I began to do the work. Let my invite you to do the same. You, yes you, may just be the one whom God has purposed to fight for changes in your family.

SR Howard on the beginning of the end

~Participation is mandatory

~Purpose has no space for ego

~Looks can be deceiving

~Everyone won't like you

~Life is about choices

~Change isn't easy but necessary

~God is faithful

#Things I've Learned Along the Way

Be forever mindful that your life has purpose. Sure there will be challenges, mistakes, disappointments, and the like but from these things vital lessons will be learned. They can all work for your good, if allowed. PONDER THIS~Although the mission may not be accomplished YET, it definitely isn't impossible. In his letter to the people of Phillpi, Paul says, "And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He who begun a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ (right up to the time of His return), developing (that good work) and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you." So when you feel you can't go on, tap into the Spirit within, It's there to renew, restore, and help you to continue.   

SR Howard on the Fight has been Fixed

There are lessons to be learned in all things, even for those of us who are purposed to teach, preach, coach, guide, etc. It's very easy to become frustrated with those we serve. We must be mindful that God is the Author and Finisher of our fates but He uses people to merely help other people along the way. Thinking you're a miracle worker and the end results should come during your reign will surely wear you out. So when our grace to deal with someone has come to an end, it's time to BLESS, RELEASE, and MOVE ON! It's dangerous as servants for us to sit in judgement because they aren't getting "it" as fast as or how we think they should. KNOW THIS~True purpose has no place for ego!  I Corinthians 3:6-7

SR Howard on Staying in Your Lane

Participation is Mandatory!

The last four years of my life have been a rollercoster to say the least. I've experienced things I never thought I'd ever experience but through it all God has remained faithful. In my request to live authentically (be careful what you ask for) I was literally forced to see myself and life for what it truly is and is meant to be. One of the most profound lessons I've learned is that I had to SHOW UP! Even though I believe in the miraculous healing power of the Father, He told me that I had to participate in my healing process. "But You're the Almighty God, why do You need my participation?" See it wasn't just my eyesight that needed healing, that was merely an outward manifestation of the brokenness, turmoil, and destruction that lived within. No matter how much I cried, sulked, and had pity parties, NOTHING changed until I decided to show up and participate!

I can't begin to tell you all the old stuff, I thought I'd resolved, that reared its ugly head. There isn't an emotion known to man that I didn't experience: depression, hate, anxiety, worry, guilt, regret, suicidal, etc. You name it! "God how could You be Love and allow me to hurt so bad. I didn't ask for this." I mean there were things that I never even concerned, like being upset with my mother for dying when I was 14 months old. One day the Lord said "you need to forgive your mother." "Forgive my mother, that's crazy! How and why would I be upset with her, I don't even remember her?" A few hours after having this conversation with God, a friend called me. We chatted for a few minutes and then she says "I was suppose to call you a few days ago but I've been busy. I had to stop and do it today. God told me to tell you that you need to forgive your mother." "Okay God, I hear You and will obey." She begin to say things I'd never concerned. "You've been holding a grudge against your mother for years and especially now that you're going through this situation, for leaving you alone. But who's to say what physical condition she would've been in. She may not have been able to be the mother you think she would have been. God does things for a reason. She served her purpose here, she had you. Now it's time that you release her and get on with your life." That knocked me to the floor...talk about having an ugly cry! But as the pain, regret, and hurt began to roll down my face, I felt a release as well as the presence of God and my mother. My friend suggested that I write and release everyone who'd been pain and disappointment in my life. And yes I was suspect number one! 

Moral of the story~PARTICIPATION IS MANDATORY! Even though God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and knows our pain, these are our life experiences, our own personal crosses to bear. I believe if God hadn't sent Jesus to live as a human, He wouldn't have been able to endure the cross. We say we want the John 10:10 life but we don't want to go through anything, fight back, we don't want to participant. Truth is if you don't you never will.

So now that I'm at the River Jordan and I see the Promised Land, it's my purpose to take as many people along as possible. If this seem impossible to you do what I did...simply ask! God is waiting to answer. And although it may not be as you expect, it will definitely be worth it. Truth is when you ask God for something, you don't get to choose the route He takes you, just be ready for the ride.

I've decided to use every experience for it's intended purpose, to propel me forward and help others along the way. It's not easy but each time I share my life, I feel a little of the pain of that time. But it's all good. I'm gone make it do what it do and if it don't, I'm gone leave it alone (thanks AM!)

God's best to you  
Stephanie