Participation is Mandatory!

The last four years of my life have been a rollercoster to say the least. I've experienced things I never thought I'd ever experience but through it all God has remained faithful. In my request to live authentically (be careful what you ask for) I was literally forced to see myself and life for what it truly is and is meant to be. One of the most profound lessons I've learned is that I had to SHOW UP! Even though I believe in the miraculous healing power of the Father, He told me that I had to participate in my healing process. "But You're the Almighty God, why do You need my participation?" See it wasn't just my eyesight that needed healing, that was merely an outward manifestation of the brokenness, turmoil, and destruction that lived within. No matter how much I cried, sulked, and had pity parties, NOTHING changed until I decided to show up and participate!

I can't begin to tell you all the old stuff, I thought I'd resolved, that reared its ugly head. There isn't an emotion known to man that I didn't experience: depression, hate, anxiety, worry, guilt, regret, suicidal, etc. You name it! "God how could You be Love and allow me to hurt so bad. I didn't ask for this." I mean there were things that I never even concerned, like being upset with my mother for dying when I was 14 months old. One day the Lord said "you need to forgive your mother." "Forgive my mother, that's crazy! How and why would I be upset with her, I don't even remember her?" A few hours after having this conversation with God, a friend called me. We chatted for a few minutes and then she says "I was suppose to call you a few days ago but I've been busy. I had to stop and do it today. God told me to tell you that you need to forgive your mother." "Okay God, I hear You and will obey." She begin to say things I'd never concerned. "You've been holding a grudge against your mother for years and especially now that you're going through this situation, for leaving you alone. But who's to say what physical condition she would've been in. She may not have been able to be the mother you think she would have been. God does things for a reason. She served her purpose here, she had you. Now it's time that you release her and get on with your life." That knocked me to the floor...talk about having an ugly cry! But as the pain, regret, and hurt began to roll down my face, I felt a release as well as the presence of God and my mother. My friend suggested that I write and release everyone who'd been pain and disappointment in my life. And yes I was suspect number one! 

Moral of the story~PARTICIPATION IS MANDATORY! Even though God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and knows our pain, these are our life experiences, our own personal crosses to bear. I believe if God hadn't sent Jesus to live as a human, He wouldn't have been able to endure the cross. We say we want the John 10:10 life but we don't want to go through anything, fight back, we don't want to participant. Truth is if you don't you never will.

So now that I'm at the River Jordan and I see the Promised Land, it's my purpose to take as many people along as possible. If this seem impossible to you do what I did...simply ask! God is waiting to answer. And although it may not be as you expect, it will definitely be worth it. Truth is when you ask God for something, you don't get to choose the route He takes you, just be ready for the ride.

I've decided to use every experience for it's intended purpose, to propel me forward and help others along the way. It's not easy but each time I share my life, I feel a little of the pain of that time. But it's all good. I'm gone make it do what it do and if it don't, I'm gone leave it alone (thanks AM!)

God's best to you  
Stephanie

Mariah and Nick...

set an excellent example.
Some ladies and I were discussing the recent nuptials of Mariah Cannon and Nick Cannon. I jokingly made the comment that I can definitely marry Omarion now. I think he's the cutest.
But seriously, I heard Nick Cannon say that Mariah made him wait for sex until after they were married. In his words "ladies, that's how you get your man." I totally agree. And it's not about playing games, 'cause truth be told a man can get sex anywhere. But it's about knowing your self-worth, and knowing that as WOMEN, we're much better than any two minute thrill.
Personally, I look at it from a biblical perspective. There are several scriptures that tells the truth about fornication; Matthew 15:19 and Romans 1:29
You can read the verses before and after to get the full meaning of what Jesus is saying. I suggest the Amplied or Message bibles for clarity.
Even if you can't get with Jesus' point of view, just think of where your actions have gotten you thus far, especially if you are in your 30's and beyond. I'll be 40 in a few months, and I've struggled with this area for years. My judgment was clouded by popular culture and what their take on sex before marriage is all about, as well as a man who I thought I loved telling me that no man will ever marry me before I had sex with him. I now realize that he didn't know what the helicopter he was talking about. In all honesty, society as a whole doesn't value the union of marriage anymore.
But for those women who want something different, then it's about time WE DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. How many times have you laid down with a man only to think afterwards "what in the hell just happened here." It wasn't even worth it? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!
Until a "real man" is ready to get to know you and grow to love the woman that God has called you to be, real love making can't take place. When two people are in love and in sync with one another, love making is a perpetual thing. Just ponder that for a minute!
Having someone that makes you feel his love even when you are miles apart. Not that puppy love, but that "GROWN FOLKS LOVE." Man, I am so looking forward to that. I am a visionary, so I can see it very clearly for myself.
Tyler Perry illustrates excellent examples of how a man is designed to pursue a man in his plays and movies. Remember "Bobby" from "I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF", "Orlando" from "DIARY..."(the movie), and a number of others. Ladies, please don't continue to believe the hype. There are some "real men" left in this world. They didn't disappear when we entered our 30's and 40's. If it's a woman's desire to be married, then God has designed a "man' especially for her. And yes, that man is willing to wait.
I could go on and on, but I will close with this.
(1) DECIDE what you want in relationship
(2) SET some standards
(3) ACT on them. If marriage is not for you then so be it, but if it is, STOP the insanity and GET the love you deserve. I know I am going to get mine.
I wish all my ladies, LOVE, PEACE, AND EMPOWERMENT in the '09.
GOD BLESS YOU!!!
STEPHANIE

P.S. After posting this blog, I received a MSG saying that their are reports that Nick was after Mariah's money. I don't know if that's true; I try hard not to follow rumors. Those of you who read this will get the point that I am making here, right.

How will they know, if you don't "tell" them?

As parents, you are your child's initial teacher of everything, from tying his/her shoes, to managing money, to respecting self and others. It should never be taken for granted that children can distinguish between right and wrong. The old adage, "do as I say and not as I do", really doesn't work. Believe me. While growing up, I often heard "a child should stay in a child's place." Well that doesn't work either, especially if the child doesn't know his/her place. Many times I've made decisions based on what I "saw" my parent/guardian "do" as opposed to what was "explained" or "taught", and was later punished or ridiculed for doing so.

I spent my teen years and much of my adult life trying to figure things out. I do realize that many things have to be experienced, but as parents/guardians, it's your responsibility to teach your children. Don't wait until high school and think that the teacher, counselor, principal, etc. is suppose to do in nine months what you've neglected to do in 14 years.

Begin to think about how you can be a better parent. If we don't begin to do something now, "the world won't get no better." This is the information age at its best. Read some books, take some classes, do whatever you need to do to raise positive, productive human beings who have healthy self-esteem and respect for others.